The One Word we Banned from our House–The Idol of Perfection had Hit us Hard

We had struggled with the idol of perfection since we were dating.  My marriage has been flaunted on the altar of perfection perception.  By me, by my husband, and by extended family.

I saw some of the deep-rooted sins in my life; one of them being my view of marriage.  I didn’t know how to view it but I kept hearing the word ‘perfect’ all around me and it kept bringing me back to inadequacy.

Then I noticed how often I said it and wrote it. My husband was saying it and so were my kids…  and basically everyone around us.  I realized our culture is driven to perfection in so many areas, not many of which are Godly or Biblical, and yet we strive so hard to meet an unattainable standard.  And if we can’t, we show off the illusion that we have concocted; we fight so hard to show off.

Banned from our house…

This lasted about a week listening to the now all-too-common use of the word ‘perfect’ and then I was done.  Then I had had enough.  I literally threw my hands on the table, stood up out of my chair, and told the kids my new rule.  We would not be saying the word ‘perfect’; it was banned from our house.  Let me show you some of the definitions of ‘perfect’ from dictionary.com:

perfect

[adjective, noun pur-fikt; verb per-fekt]adjective

-conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type

-excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement

–exactly fitting the need in a certain situation or for a certain purpose

-entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings

-accurate, exact, or correct in every detail

-thorough; complete; utter

–pure or unmixed

–unqualified; absolute

–expert; accomplished; proficient

-unmitigated; out-and-out; of an extreme degree

verb (used with object)

–to bring to completion; finish

-to bring to perfection; make flawless or faultless

–to bring nearer to perfection; improve; make better

-to make fully skilled

Look at some of those descriptions: conforming absolutely, ideal, excellent, complete, improvement, exactly, without flaws/defects/shortcomings, accurate, exact, correct, pure, absolute, expert, accomplished, proficient, extreme degree, flawless, faultless, improve, make better.

This was the message I sent my kids. Daily.

Fake it til you make it became ‘fake it and display it’…

I was prodding my kids to display perfection in every area.  I was the one driving stress and anxiety right into their developing minds and hearts.  Just as I had done with myself and my marriage, I was beholden to this god of perfection.  And I was cramming it down the throats of my little ones.  My eldest son hates (HATES!) to lose.  Second place holds little value for him.  Learning from mistakes is a foreign concept to him. Reading slower than his sister was like a slap in the face to him and he shrunk into himself and retreated from the world.  Guess where he learned that from?!  Ugh. Me.

We talked with the kids about what that word means and what it represents and made it clear we do not ever expect perfection. We do expect them to:

• show obedience and respect, aiming toward hearts aligned with God;
• try their best and give things their all;
• learn from mistakes;
• let the mistakes fuel their progress in trying again.

Of course we tied that into the Bible since that was where we gained our knowledge of this concept and shared how God doesn’t expect perfection but our obedience and respect.

It became a game…

It turned into a game to recognize someone saying the word ‘perfect’ and call someone out for saying it.  And I was the worst at it.  I failed time and time again.  My daughter called me out even in the first hour after implementation.  It made me realize how much a subtle influence one word actually has on people.  I subconsciously was demanding perfection from my kids without outright saying it. Looking back, it felt like it was almost the appropriate “Christianeze phrasing” for shaming my kids to align with my screwed up values.

Emotional safety was now present…

I do apologize when she catches me saying it, but just as sanctification cleanses you, so, too, have I noticed it with how little the word comes to mind now.  At least now, one heavy burden has been lifted off their shoulders… and mine.  It has lightened the air and I have already noticed a difference with our eldest son.  It has also made for a safer emotional environment where we are free to be ourselves and express our individuality without fear of retribution. I am so glad this one word was banned from our house.

CHALLENGE: Count how many times you say the word perfect in one day, also add in your family, friends, and everyone around you…. Click To Tweet

Before you carry on with your day, I challenge you to listen to the words your family says, the people around you, and how often tv shows will use the word perfect.

It is the one word I have banned from our house.

~Becca

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Life can offer some crazy circumstances, let’s learn together what God has called us to as Christians. If you have any questions you would like answered, please contact me also!