What is a Narcissist? Learn the narcissist definition, then easily apply it to help your 1-on-1 relationships
Casual dialogue can nonchalantly spew out “Oh, he’s a narcissist!” without a true understanding. But, what is a narcissist?
It seems as though people jump at defining and labeling one as a ‘Narcissist’ when the true definition isn’t adhered to; merely being ‘selfish’ in today’s society deems them labeled.
NOTE: For purposes of this blog, I will be using the label Narcissist or NPD to identify a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Understanding the diagnosis…
Before we can find out what is a narcissist, we need to understand the narcissist definition. For some background, there are 10 personality disorders in the official guide to medical diagnoses, the Diagnostic Statistical Manual, 5th edition (DSM-5). Under the Cluster B set of personality disorders, the “dramatic, emotional, erratic” cluster, there are 4 types listed:
- Borderline Personality Disorder
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder
- Histrionic Personality Disorder
- Antisocial Personality Disorder (cultural labels include sociopaths and psychopaths)
What is a narcissist?
Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder, according to the DSM-5, exhibit five or more of the following, which are present by early adulthood and across contexts:
– A grandiose sense of self-importance
PsychologyToday.com
– Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
– Belief that one is special and can only be understood by or associate with special people or institutions
– A need for excessive admiration
– A sense of entitlement (to special treatment)
– Exploitation of others
– A lack of empathy
– Envy of others or the belief that one is the object of envy
– Arrogant, haughty behavior or attitudes
Overlaps and types of personality disorders…
Interestingly, there can be an overlap of personality disorders. The question, what is a narcissist, becomes a little more challenging at this point. For instance, someone could have a combination of histrionic and narcissistic personality disorders. As well, there are also different types of personality disorders within the disorder. What I mean by that is there can be someone who has a narcissistic personality disorder that has an over emphasis on beauty/image/sexuality, or there can be one who has a narcissistic personality disorder overly emphasizing intelligence/knowledge/education.
This is why and how two narcissists CAN be married to each other. For example, if a sexual NPD is married to an intelligence NPD, the intelligence NPD typically defaults to the enabler role for sexual issues/problems/etc. by giving excuses and not believing them to be that bad while also becoming victimized in that capacity. Since they are that person’s enabler and suffer with NPD themselves, they turn it into a positive to bolster themselves and the image of their relationship as a whole unit.
On the other hand, we find that the sexual NPD will typically default to and become the enabler for anything intellectually based encouraging their superiority, while also being on the receiving end of insults/corrections/etc. It is an odd combination of grandiosity that defaults to the other’s strengths through enabling because it can give off the appearance of a more ‘powerful relationship’ as a whole by being better in more areas together. It definitely makes for a volatile relationship, but it is possible.
Who is the victim?
The term Narcissist should really only be used though once a therapist, counselor, or psychologist has diagnosed someone as one. If you have heard that someone you know has had a clinical diagnosis, it would do you well to heed caution and listen to those who are claiming they have been Narcissistic victims.
This is especially true because those with NPD are skilled manipulators of the truth, they know how to read people to twist reality into a form acceptable to the person listening; they do so in a way to either make themselves the hero or the victim–never the one at fault UNLESS they believe that saying so will further their end-game even though they don’t believe they have done anything wrong.
If multiple diagnoses have been made by multiple professionals, and especially when paired with failing/failed relationships, all the more should you be on guard against what you are hearing from both the person claiming victim and the person diagnosed as a Narcissist.
It is not an easy place to be when you hear of someone claiming another a Narcissist, but you would be wise to not discredit it so quickly without knowing the true facts about the situation from both parties.
Also not an easy place to be, is when someone claims to be a victim of a Narcissist, but is discredited by the Narcissist to all in their circles. A problem that we will delve into at another time relates to this specifically, that a Narcissistic victim is not typically believed (trying to explain it to someone can be like nailing jello to a wall) since so much damage control has already been performed by the Narcissist to gaslight the truth, twist the truth, but more often to host a smear campaign.
Biblical answer to “What is a narcissist?”
So what is a narcissist and how do you deal with them? Last week we broached the topic of Narcissists in the church, and the verses quoted were the Biblical standards with regard to the narcissist definition, so I will leave you with that today.
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.
They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over gullible women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth.
2 Timothy 3:1-7
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts on narcissism. Someone I care about very much has a spouse and a mother-in-law that exhibit much if not all of the qualities you listed. It’s a very hard situation to navigate and one that has caused a lot of heartache, let alone exasperation because they are family…
Thank you for the Scripture clarification as well.