A Mom’s Struggle with Gravity — The weight of my responsibility was too much.

Brought to tears so often learning this caused deep reflection of my role in their lives–the weight of my responsibility was monumental.

As a Mom, we are given one of the highest callings.  It feels as though I have heard it all before, “You are their theologian”, “You are their most important teacher”, “You have the ability to lead them.”  I agree with all of those.  But I never understood the true gravity, the depth, the gumption, the weight behind it all until I was forced to put it into practice.

Attending parenting classes with a prideful heart is never a good idea…

Two years ago, I took a parenting class; I had two options at Church for the women’s Bible Study–one was the parenting class and the other was to study a book of the Bible in detail.  I was torn because I really enjoy studying word for word through a book to understand the context; besides, I told myself, my kids are great, well-behaved, good enough children.  There was deep pride in me of who they were, that they were generally very respectful, that all the hours and consistent training we endured, what I had accomplished with them, how they presented themselves in public, and how they acted.

The decision to take the parenting class was solely with the hope of getting to know more Moms as I had not really reached out to anyone.

The crucial role my pride played in my life needed to be uprooted…

The first week, I was literally brought to weeping tears when I discovered just how crucial my role was and how much help I needed–my pride was swept up in my kids’ outward appearances, my heart was full of ugliness because my kids obeyed and theirs didn’t, my kids knew who was boss and that they knew they needed to listen to me and their Dad.

Wow, I have been broken many times in the last three years, and you would think I would be used to it as my pride continually has been shattered over and over, but I did not expect the weight of what was missing to hit me so hard.

My heart.  Their hearts.  I had missed it.  I had not only passively missed it, I bypassed it completely to focus on external things.  I had set up my children to be obedient idols to hopefully incite jealousy, and all to boost my own pride.  I had been humbled yet again, with good reason.

In my few years of parenting, I trained them to obey and had pretty well succeeded.  But what occurred to me when studying this book was that their roots were lacking.  I had not watered them properly to encourage their hearts and their consciences to think for themselves.  What an empty wasteland I had encouraged… and my heart was no different.

I repented a lot while studying that book, cried through almost every chapter as the Lord worked more on my heart and understanding to really get it through that how I ought to be living needed to first be changed, then I could pass that along to my children.  I couldn’t very well teach them heart and knowledge issues if my heart was hard and my eyes blind.

The weeping continued….

Then my husband and I attended a Sunday School class about parenting, further enforcing the ideas behind the first book.  The first class we sat in the back, thank goodness, because I started weeping uncontrollably (again).  Seriously.  I could not stop.  And it was full on ugly crying. The weight of my responsibility as a Mother had hit again.

The weight of my responsibility…

It reinforced to me the gravity of what God has called us to as parents.  It is the hard things in life that this really comes into play that I have been made more aware of. It means:

• protecting your kids when God calls you to; even if that means you need to fully cut off family members.
• living out that God is number one; even if that means you need to confront those around you who have patterns of sin and destruction.
• living out your life in accordance to His Word; especially so your children can see you strive to honor God.
• choosing His path; especially so your children can witness you doing hard things to keep His commands.
• confessing your sinfulness in front of your kids; especially so your children can know that you are not perfect.
• apologizing to your kids when you have wronged them or acted out of anger; especially so that your children can know that you do not expect perfection from them, but that it is more important to you that their hearts are in the right place.
• living transparently and being open and honest to invite them to also live that way.
• encouraging them to not keep secrets as that may lead to a secret life one day.

The weight is overwhelming…

It means so much. It really means so much and when you stop to think about the gravity of it all, and how that has played out in your life, with the steps you have been called to take to raise your kids, it can feel overwhelming.

Not overwhelming in a sense of despair, but in how much God might need to bring you through or lead you to that point.  Personally, we have had to endure a lot to raise our kids in a way that we feel God desires us to, but it is SO worth it; standing firm in the Bible has helped alleviate the weight of my responsibility.  I know I would give up the world and all it’s riches, and glory, and people, if God will be their God in the end.  I would do it all over again.

Gradually, I am learning more about the gravity of this statement and what it means in this life to live this out.  We have a cross to bear as Christians and I pray that God may continue to peel back the layers over my eyes so I can see His truth accomplished in my life, through my life, and in the lives of those who I have the greatest influence: my children.

This is the actual book that transformed my parenting followup reading, and I highly (HIGHLY) suggest it as it completely transformed my parenting (and eased the burdensome weight of my responsibility as their Mom)! It is based on this book by Paul David Tripp if you want to start there. Also, very highly recommended.

If you are interested in other follow-up resources, study guides, devotionals, etc. please visit my Resources page.

~ Becca

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