“Fly, my pretties, fly!” This commonly used, paraphrased quote commanded the flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz to do the witch’s bidding, oddly similar to a Narcissist and their flying monkey.
This paraphrase exhibits well the role of a flying monkey to do the dirty work of the wicked witch. (DISCLAIMER: I am in no way saying that a Narcissist should be referenced as a witch, or vice versa.)
The flying monkey analogy…
Nevertheless, for purposes of this loose analogy and to further describe the terminology used widely with reference to Narcissists, the flying monkeys were controlled by the wicked witch. They were used by her to:
- make others her slaves (the Winkies),
- drive out those who opposed her (the Wizard of Oz), and
- get what she wanted (the slippers).
Similarly, the Narcissist will utilize flying monkeys to do much the same:
- enlist others to do the dirty work,
- drive away or enable a smear campaign against those who oppose, and
- try to get what they want.
From enabler to flying monkey…
If you recall from before, the Narcissist enabler feels they owe the Narcissist something. Or, simply, they are hooked into the Narcissist’s whims by coercion or compelling benefits. The flying monkey for a Narcissist takes the role of enabler one step farther by actively involving themselves in the situation, backed by selfish motivations.
In fact, an enabler can easily convert into the flying monkey, and for many different reasons. They:
- hold a deep-rooted desire for approval of the Narcissist,
- hear twisted half-truths and want to make the Narcissist’s world right again,
- want to take credit for the reunification of the Narcissist and their victim — to soak in praise from those around for being so genuine for wanting to help and get involved,
- have been indirectly or directly manipulated,
- carry an immense need for gossip (to know the intricate details of each side and to share back and forth and with all who will hear) under the guise of Christianity (here is why they need prayer, can we all pray for them, they aren’t living right, etc.),
- possess a meddling personality and this opportunity has now presented itself to them,
- harbor control issues,
- wish to protect the Narcissist, and/or
- seek relief after the Narcissist lost their initial prey and turned against them.
Flying monkeys have their own agenda…
As a result, the flying monkey isn’t genuine. They have selfish motivations for seeking you out. Typically, this is due to two reasons, with the others added in here and there.
- The Narcissist has manipulated them to further their agenda. This holds especially true once the victim has ended all contact with the Narcissist.
- The need for worldly approval and accolades far outweigh the reality of the situation even though the victim’s truths have already been stated.
Indeed, if a person keeps hounding a victim (passively or aggressively) who has gone no contact with their abuser instead of confronting the abuse head on, it ought to be obvious that the flying monkey has selfish motivations. Markedly, the self-proclaimed purity of their actions are marred by the intensity of which they ignore what the victim has claimed as abusive.
UnBiblical applications to be aware of…
Additionally, the peace that is so desired by a peacekeeper (aka, a faux peacemaker) only encourages a false sense of peace. More so, a maintenance of the status quo, if you will, for everyone but the victim. Specifically, the victim is browbeaten to ignore, sweep the abuse under the rug, pretend it never happened, move on, “forgive” and forget, etc. All the while, the abuser is never called to account for their actions. There is something seriously wrong with this. It is exceedingly unBiblical in application.
“[T]he solution to achieving peace lies not in convincing you to accept abuse, it lies in getting the abuse to stop.”
Luke173ministries.org
Something to keep in mind, it is also unBiblical in application to hold so tight to this character definition that you overlook those who are truly seeking to help. What you will find, is that after abuse has been called out, their next steps will determine if helping is their true goal or not. With prayer and cautious hope should you see if the Lord is truly behind their motivations or not.
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Wow. My daughter and I were just talking about a situation that she is very much effected by through a narcissistic mother-in-law whose other daughter-in-law hows now apparently, after reading your post, become the flying monkey for her mother-in-law. As I read your words, I couldn’t believe how much they fit this person and the situation as a whole. Indeed, something to be very mindful of.
Thanks for sharing.