Trophy Wife or Arm Candy–Is there not more to a woman than her looks?

Ever heard a man proudly refer to the woman he married as his trophy wife? Ever secretly desired your husband would call you that?

The reason you should never desire to hear such a demeaning statement is because it is one of the most insulting things a husband could ever say about his wife.

To lay the groundwork, we need to understand what these phrases mean. While I don’t cite Wikipedia or Urban Dictionary for hard evidence or fact, they offered a sufficient general synopsis of the terms and what they actually represent. I’m listing out each point separately so you really focus on what these each are saying. {Spoiler Alert: They’re horrible.}

~ The term for a wife who is regarded as a status symbol for the husband.

~ The term is often used in a derogatory or disparaging way. 

~ It can also be used to imply that the trophy wife in question has little personal merit besides her physical attractiveness, requires substantial expense for maintaining her appearance, is often unintelligent or unsophisticated, does very little of substance beyond remaining attractive, and is in some ways synonymous with the term gold digger.

~ A trophy wife is young and attractive (and usually a second or later marriage), while the husband is often older or unattractive and usually wealthy.

~ Referring to a spouse as a trophy wife usually reflects negatively on the character or personality of both parties.

~ For the husband, it has a connotation of pure narcissism and the need to impress other men, and that the husband would not be able to attract the sexual interest of the attractive woman for any reason apart from his wealth or position.

~ His role in the relationship is to be her sugar daddy and provide her with power and material wealth.

~ Her role, beyond providing sex, is to remind others that he is powerful or rich enough to be desirable to such a woman despite his age and thus to serve as a marker of this status — hence the “trophy” part.

And arm candy is no better (mostly from Urban Dictionary):

~ An attractive, seemingly romantic companion who accompanies a person in public simply so that one or both of the individuals can gain attention, enhance social status, or create an impression of sexual appeal.

~ An especially attractive date, escort or other companion to a special event. Called “arm candy” because one locks arms with their “candy” (valuable possession) when they enter.

~ A popular connotation of arm candy is a date that someone is using not to enjoy their company, but simply to appear important, wealthy or worthy of attention.

~ a pride in taking someone out in public.

These phrases denote that a woman’s worth to her husband is based solely on her attractiveness. Should she lose that, she apparently has lost all sense of value in her husband’s eyes. Let’s walk through some life situations: marital struggles and the wife gains weight from stress–no longer valuable. Stressful season of having and raising babies and the wife no longer cares for herself in the same way–no longer valuable. You see, if she is viewed and toted as his prize because of her looks, then her value is hinged solely on her outward appearance.

How petty and sad. She is reduced as an entire person down to just one quality which age will eventually strip away from her. How well do you think that marriage will last when beauty fades?

I want to ensure that if you are a woman reading this, you are WORTH MORE THAN YOUR LOOKS! You have exponential value as one of God’s children, your insights are valuable, your thoughts are valuable, your talents are valuable. You. Are. Valuable. No matter what you look like!

Let’s break some of these down a bit more though. Did you catch that in the definitions? A woman is degraded, made fun of, portrayed as a possession(!), as goods that can be bought or sold, unintelligent, has little merit, unsophisticated, her role is to provide a sexual display of jealousy for her husband to pump up his pride, enabling that man’s narcissism, to gain attention, to be an escort, is unenjoyable company, and is used for her body.

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Did you notice though that the terms speak to both parties in a negative light, that the man is referenced and showcased as a sexual narcissistic type and the woman as a vapid, sexual enabler? Sins start in our heart, travel to our mind, and fester until acted upon–what is especially dangerous about this line of thinking is the shocking similarity between a ‘john’ and a prostituted woman.

If you know of a man who hails himself a Christian yet spouts this type of nonsense … he deserves to be challenged as it is not Biblical.

If you know of a woman who hails herself a Christian yet encourages this kind of talk and jealousy to thrive … she, too, deserves to be challenged as it is not Biblical.

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